Hi darl. Something just opened my mind today after we discuss about a certain topic. So it goes like this. I asked you if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. Instead of you going in lovely like how I always want, you said 'Maybe.' You then added on 'Fall out of love', 'Disappointed in you' and 'death'.
Talking about if I 'gone', you said that you are going to one day find someone new and then you are going to do more stuff with him than with me; which I always thought you know that I do not like to discuss about. I always then imagine you with someone else, which pisses me a lot.
I always thought our relationship is that special, where we literally can't find a perfect love anymore after that. I'd most probably find someone, but will not experience the love like ever again. Basically I do stuff just to continue my generation, not love. I believe that every thing that I got until today comes from the lord himself. I'm pretty sure that he build me life up to today. I felt so much happiness for these years that I really can tell everything is all planned by himself. Just imagine to topple very thing off, what would have become of me? Love is the problem that I always had since young, but now it seem to progress very well. If that happens to go down, don't expect me to go the same. REMEMBER, my mental state is not very strong. Everyone's significant affects me as long as I'm living; whereas my significance only affects others as long as I'm breathing. You keep mentioning that I'll forget about you someday if something were to happen. Truth to be told, that is you, not me. You say we all the same, yes , we are MOSTLY, the same. There are things that we are not the same because of our mental properties. I can see something you can't see, and vice versa.
I REALLY always thought we are that couple that is very perfect, where if I asked you if we are going to be forever, your answer will always be 'yes', not 'maybe' or 'depends'. I HATE THOSE PERSPECTIVES. One of my motto is, "It will happen if you say 'yes', and no when you say 'no' or 'maybe'." I hate to continue this, but it's really what's in my head right now. How much of not a significant I am to you, as someone that can to be forgotten one day. It's not your fault, people always say to move on. I moved on from many thing, but never forget the feelings and passions. I can't blame you for who you are anyway.
I wrote alot because I remember that you told me if I'm gone, you'll live alone with cat. I actually took that very serious :/ I always thought our love is that strong. So much of everything that I thought you won't fall of someone else. I guess all those feelings are fake? Just a sugarcoat to this merely stereotypical relationship that can be seen everywhere?
I really feel.... rather disappointed. Not in you, but in this world overall. How much my existent won't be seen after I'm gone. I just... always have this thought of our relationship being so clingy to each other... Until those became a fact in me.
Can you just..... be that girl who just say yes to make me feel better? I'm thousands of miles away from you, don't say some 'truths' or anything to break my picture of this relationship.... Can you just say yes to everything I say for now? You can shoot me all the truth when we meet again yea? Haih, that's the one thing I'm kindda still disappointed in you.
ONE THING, DON'T YOU EVER TALK ABOUT YOUR IMAGINARY MR A AND MR B DOING STUFF WITH YOU. I DON'T CARE IF THEY ARE IMAGINARY, DOING STUFF WITH YOU MEANS DOING STUFF WITH YOU. I still don't get it though.Why do you have to add on the conversation at that moment with 'doing more far things'.
I guess my mom was right after all, she said if one day you leave me, you'll go on like I'm forgotten.
Unlike me who won't feel the same.
Love you.
