Darling. Last night you went to last day of school orientation. I was so shocked that you went meeting your friends without me getting informed. You told me that informed me the day before, but that doesn't seem to click in my head. I was kindda sads that I tried to text you about whats going on, but you didn't reply me for hours later. In this moment I really feel... drifted away from you? Like, I don't know where you are, I don't know what you doing, it just really hurts me to not knowing what you doing.
I send in vows to you, expecting you to reply around my sleeping time, but you only told me what you were doing. You told me that you only read the last sentence. Then what's the point of the rest that I typed? ;( This actually doesn't happened once, but many times everysince I met you. When every I gave you lots of questions or minor questions that I expect you to answer, you only answer what's at the last. It really hurts me when you do that. Maybe I should make a list of things I don't likey to happen.
1) Ignored my messages/read only last message
2) Completely forgot vows
3) Didn't want to promise me things you feel like you can't hold
4) When I chat you trough skype and suddenly you look away and talk to someone.
I really hate it as well when you are out with our friends and you forget about me. That reason alone can shed me into tears. Making myself hating your friends and wished that your friends would go away. I'm just too selfish in that. But of course I don't want you to be alone there, or else you'll be sad.
So then after that 2 messages, I asked for vows. You didn't reply. Until 5 am in morning here then you replied. Lucky I slept, if not I'll be waiting for you :( We have been doing this many times already, so please, this is not something we can forget yea? Sometimes I think about things in your point of view to accept what happened, but this time.... maybe because I'm lacked of friends here so I can't feel like how you feel. Imagine my life here, no friends, no go out makan, no go out karaoke, no go out sporting with friends....... I REALLY ONLY HAVE YOU , you know that you are really the only reason why I can still stand up and walk? If you just left me like that, it's just like you were helping a blind man walking, and suddenly you left him alone. That's what I felt last night which causes me to assume that I have nobody, from there then I can sleep.... When something like this happens, I can't imagine being with you on bed. It's like, if something causes us to drift apart by just alittle, I straight away feel that I don't deserve to imagine you. Which.... is bad..
Darling. You didn't wanna pinky promise me. Why? Scare you can't keep promise? Scare that I would hate you? What is there to be afraid of? I might put it aside if it is religious problem though, so please tell me tomorrow okay? Darl, is it that.... it is because you scare you broke promise and then I get mad? I tell you something, I don't. If you break this promise, I will still forgive you in future. My idea about promising is more like.... so you can be more aware of things? So that you are more alert to things you didn't do correctly? All is done so that you'd remember to avoid the problem. If you couldn't make promises like this to me, you'll definitely make me very sad. We are together forever right? A simple promise is what every forever couples do, please keep that in mind. But of course you still expect me to feel sad if you break the promise. Either way, think about it, if you don't make promise, I sad. If you make promise and breaks it, I also sad. If you promise and decide to change alittle in this problem, I'm super happy. I want to learn things little by little, even if I promise you now, I actually still expects you to break it one day, because I know you are a forgetful person and the fact that everybody makes mistakes. But ofcourse I'll be even happier if you keep the promise very long. You have the choice.
Darling,one thing I dislike is that, I don't like it when I talk to you in skype about some matter I feel serious, suddenly you broke it up without telling me to pause or anything, just suddenly talk to someone else or doing your phone. I honestly find that.... rude? Eventhough we are doing online calls, I still wish that keep the ethics of normal face to face conversation. If you need to talk with someone, tell me stop first, don't let me continue talk when you talking to someone else.
Sometimes you I might be asking you the same questions over and over again. Why? Because sometimes that answer can make me feel happy, or make me feel more assured. I know it is annoying, but it is up to you if you want to make me happy or rest assured. I don't like asking same questions twice, but when I do, that means I'm serious. If you don't I'll be sad, if you just say 'yes', I'll be very happy. That is when I'm seeking for attention though. If I'm in serious condition, I really really need you to listen to what I'm saying and just say 'yes', don't nod, me, say 'yes'. Just a simple word can make me feel better, my love. If you decide to keep quiet and expects yourself to answer the same question twice, well, more a like, you want me feel better, or not? Of course, the answer is in yourself.
Lastly..... I think about something very... sekia problem? I don't know la, but sometimes I do drag you to sleep late. Why I do this? I know that I shouldn't drag your sleeping time, but when I do, What does that mean? It actually means that I want you to make me feel better before I leave you. Remember about my EMERGENCY rule? When you don't feel enough talking to me and desperately need to talk to me, just tell me that it's emergency, I'll understand, and I'll calmly chat with you longer until you feel better. Why I do this? It's because I never like leaving my darling in a bad condition, and I know it can lead to bad depressions which can damage our relationship. It's similar to the scene of why do I cook a meal longer than expected? Cause if it not cooked enough, I can get bad tummy ache later. I love to prevent any future problems so I wouldn't regret. So, what I'm trying to say is, sometimes I expects you to do the same as what I do to you. But.... you hardly seem to leave me in better condition before you sleep? I don't know... If I were you though, I wouldn't be able to sleep. Sometimes I'm just way too childish... Please forgive me.
All in all. I know that you are still my perfect girl. No one can beat you in being my best girl. I love you always. Remember that we are in the chapter of 'The challenges,' so problems like this are all already expected to occur. My good self is happy that you didn't get my life scenario here where I don't have close friends and stuff. I actually wouldn't mind to take the sad role. Because if you were me.... I definitely know that you can't stand it, and your mental state may start to deteriorate slightly which can damage our relationship. How I know it can damage our relationship? Because I can feel it. If we completely switch roles, like you get tumi role and I get the joan role.Let's play the role now. Currently you are in your room looking around the ceilings and realize that you have no close friends and all lonely in a country that is thousands of miles away from family and tumi. Your daily life is just computer and surfing. Your tumi have alot of friends, go out for movies, go out on steam boat with friends and cool activities with friends. Whereas you, no close friends, the clubs you joined mostly inactive, most international people are all sohai,all your friends in class may not be permanent as they may separate from you,you never go for movies with anyone, karaoke with friends never exist in your life here and never go out with friends even to makan. Not to mention you have to wake up every morning at 6 30 just to have the chance to see tumi. You are mostly bored and lonely, and want to chat with tumi, but tumi is getting more and more busier everyday, so lesser attention from tumi. And one night you were waiting for tumi to give report of how he is doing in coffee shop, and suddenly tumi snap that tumi is with his friends somewhere, having fun. You asked him what happen, but he doesn't reply until you wanna sleep. You send him vows and tell tumi to report back ASAP. But tumi only report, no vows, because only read last message. You may want to wait, because you feel very lonely and separated from your tumi because you have no idea that he was planning to go somewhere to see his friends.You felt like he didn't inform you, which causes you to feel slightly drifted away. But it's getting late and you feel sads that tumi no vow you that night, so you decided to make yourself feel as a 'meant to be' lonely person, which in the end you can sleep,but this time without imagining tumi sleeping beside you, not to mention if he existed in your life. Until 5 in the morning baru tumi say something, saying that he forgotten about the vows completely. You were to depressed of that fact tumi can forget about something that is done daily. You wanted to promise with tumi so tumi won't do it again, but tumi refuses.
*End of role*
So you see, surely you can go into deep depression from that. It's like you only have me, and few times your tumi just 'poof' and gone, making you even more sad and lonely. To think about it....yea... I really do not mind talking this role for you. Thank god you have fun life there, compared to here. Lucky I stay patient so far, thinking that out relationship is still okay, just most of the challenges are on me, so I'm the one that holds the future of our relationship. Of course the darl have the role to take care of me. If you abandon that role, this relationship can be severely damaged, as well as myself, mentally. In conclusion.... Let's stay strong together and fight the future challenges ahead of us. Remember, if you truly love me, you always have time for me, no matter how busy you are. Love you.
From: The Darl.
