Hello darl, it's 4:37pm here an 8:37 am there. You are currently walking to university I guess? Right now I'm just waiting for you to reach university.
Darl, I've been wondering. You have many friends there, you all play games, have many group chats, all makan together at night. That is the type of activity I always wanted to have here. But look at here, my orientation is bullshit. What game we play? We play bingo, that's all. And we do what? Listen, do stuff, set up shits. The bingo goes like.... the whole entire hall of new students, everyone gets a paper with full of descriptions, like wear yellow shirt, can play music, loves to cook and so on. You have to fill your paper up with names of new students. Well, it is alright I guess, make few acquaintances from there. But no permanent friends.
Your class goes as fixed by the education system, whereas mine, gotta choose classes. And many friends I made that day, doesn't take my class or course of learning. We were given this paper to guide us what class should we take. Mine is Biology and I should take classes that is in the guide. Even lets say that there is a friend who take Biology course as well. He have to take a mathematics class of 141, like me. It doesn't mean we same class you know that? In one day Maths 141 class got almost 5. Like Class A, B, C, D and E. He or she might take the one I don't take.... You get it?.. Even after I pass my Maths 141, the friends I have here in 141, won't 100% be in the same class with me after we pass the class, not to mention they can drop anytime they want. I'll explain more of there system here.Just incase you still lost. So it goes like, classes are just there, and you have the choice to follow that class or not. If you want, of course you need to go register for it. And one bitchy thing is, to register classes, they all have another additional charge of bullshit. Like saying I don't pay the college enough. Imagine like you take maths, English, chemistry and economic. You have to still pay the 4 subjects you took. I have no freaking idea what is the tuition fee is for where they still charge us further in the end. Classes are like 15-60 additional dollar by the way. Haih.
So yea that's the system.... So what I wanna say is that.... I don't have a fix friend here.... Unless like we together want to continue this class and register for that specific class. Making friends here is not as easy in Malaysia darl. I always find this post where it says finding friends in college is super hard. It's really no joke here darl. Reasons for that, is one, some people here are couples who enroll together and their life is just both of them. Second, no class I have is all around same age, ranges from 16-30+. No joke, I have 2 classmates who are already a mother. One of my friend is also a married, 26 years old from Indonesia. So, most of those who are older.... seem to avoid making friends with the younger... They seem not comfortable doing so. Third, many of the deeper friends I have, smokes and do those stuff. If I want to be even more closer to them, I really have to follow them smoking for them to accept me. Really, the whole group even girls smoke. I don't have the kuai kuai type guys here you know that?
When you so spirited doing games with your friends.... You know that I very jealous of that? Many group chats, I jealous too.... You have one group of friends you feel comfortable with.... I am extremely jealous of that. Sometimes texting you makes me feel even more lonely you know that? You show me your friends, your life there, instead of me happy happy you there, I jealous of that. I know... I'm a bad boy... Please forgive me for such an attitude :( Just show me okay? I jealous or no jealous.... I need to keep update your life on me. I guess your type of person is more.... weaker to loneliness? I hate loneliness as well..... But if there is a choice of only either you or me going to be lonely in their university life, I'll take to be lonely, I want you be happy.
I want to share something selfish about me. Remember I don't want to date girls with many friends? I can't remember if I ever tell you the whole reason for that... It goes like this. I always want to be the one and only one that my girl always care. I always want to be the one and only one my girl text.... Ever since I'm born, I'm the type to seek attention you know that? I always want attention. Like if I cook, I expect my girl to immediately praise me, I always want that praise in order to be more motivated.
The example of words that always motivate me are :
'You did great, I love it,'
'Looks good'
'.....but I still like it :) '
If I failed on making something:
'It doesn't look so good, but surely one day you can make a better one :) '
Notice that I put on emoji? Did you know that smiling emoji from you is something I really happy to receive?
I feel even more lonely now. Later when you have lots of friends, you switch chats here and there everyday when I text you. I'm very selfish and I always want me to be the only one you chat and stuff. If it is... important university things, homework, serious things, I don't mind that. Just if very friend friend one... I quite hate it. Example you switch chat with 5 people excluding me.... I in the end feel very the not special. That's... one of my dark side for you to know... I'm sorry for that.
If you noticed something, ' I'm very selfish and I always want me to be the only one you chat and stuff '. I think that sound familiar to yourself. Remember the time when you were friend with that girl... that forces you to change a lot? You told me that, when she talk to other people, you feel jelly. That's the feeling I have. I always want to be your special one you know that? I can't stop you from chatting your friends,making more friend as well, as it go against one of my view of you, as well my deduction before dating you. People change and we can't stop that..... You may tell me to 'get used to it', ' to accept it', 'grow up', ' what can I do?', 'find your way'. Those words darl, you will NEVER ever tell me that. It sounds very provocative and feels like you just want me to change and get used to the new you. I know that is what suppose to be done, but it really feels like.... I'm not getting any support, even if you tell me 'All I can do is to support you'. It feels like..... you just let me be, to change. It takes me and you to change you know that? Like that time about the job thing.... takes you to sacrifice the work so I can learn more and let you have more freedom. Like a month ago you went drinking? I didn't complain...Cause I just feel you should spend time with others before going away, even though girls going to bar is my number one priority thing to keep away from. Oh, one random fact, I hate the selfie of you after drinking. It really makes me feel like I should have been there to take care of you. And what I hate is the feeling of not being able to be with you to jaga you.
So....To summarize the whole thing, what I want say is that, I'm jealous when you have many friends, I don't really like it when you switch chats to other people or group while chatting with me unless memang important one, basically I always want to be treated special by you... Darl, you don't have to take these seriously, it's just minor minor sekia stuff I feel. One day, surely I'll learn something from it.I just want you to think about me when playing games with friends, when doing not serious works... Imagine if I'm there, imagine this and that with me. Also, even if you are busy with games, I really really really appreciate it for you just have 20 seconds of texting me the reason being busy and vow when here is already night. I just really want our love to continue existing, you get it? I always think of you anytime anywhere, always want you to be by my side. I really wanna kidnap you and work with me by the vegetable farm in a peaceful place. Hehe.
Darl, I have 2 rules I wanna out up here:
1) No going out with group of guys in any conditions except the group have at least 35% is girl including you then I may accept.
2) No going to bar at any conditions.
You know you can put rules on me right? Even though you might say ' I don't want to restrict your life.' But still.... I think rules memang important. Sorry darl, but I really want you to listen for this one.
That's to all my childish feel. I write this message so I can feel better right now...Darling... I hope you still love me alot after reading this? I always want you to praise me when I accomplish something? I always want happy emojis. I very the sekia you know that? Hehe. They said, your husband is a big child you have to take care for the rest of your life. Hehe. I really love you, know that? I really do :)
I guess this letter went to far already hehe. I'll update with you soon.
Love from me.
From: The Darl
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