Today.... You went to cyber cafe and play cs. You had that 'syndrome' that people might get when they play cs in cyber cafe. One can play well in cyber cafe if they are used to it though.
When I heard you gonna play, my heart drops down till I get so.... pissed off? I... honestly do not like girls who go cyber cafe play games. It's not hate... more a like... not a preferred girl. Like, I went to cyber cafe many times before and I noticed that I get to addicted to it, spending hundreds to go and play with friends. I feel very.... so into it? Money spend.... that money can be used to buy wifi service and good online games. Therefore I hate it when someone I love goes to a cyber cafe.
I also.... do not like... it when you play these games cause....it's... just not you. You are not that girl who plays this kind of games.... What if you are into it? I just can't imagine you know? When you do something that doesn't suit you, I tend to lost that relationship connection, because in a way I feel like I'm dating someone new. If we are next to each other physically, I don't mind, cause I can be there with you and learn together. Right now, I'm far as hell. Technically if hell is in the bottom of the earth, whereas I'm on the other other side of the world.... means I'm further than hell itself. I can't grow with you easily like this you know that? I really can't.... I'm not strong at all. I accept changes here, but not between us. You said that we are separated for 4 years and that you are going to do alot of stuff without me. I'm fine with that.... just... please... not something that doesn't suit you. My mind just doesn't add up when that happens. I was playing CS just now when you told me you were going to play CS in Cyber Cafe. I got so pissed, my death increases much more than my kill (which is bad). When you do something that doesn't suit you, it's like you change to someone that I don't prefer to date.... You can tell me that I'm not thinking far, but as I understand people in depth,I noticed that there are just things that we have to follow in order to be with them, because YOU really do not want to change that part of them. I can tell you more about this when you read this. But it's up to you of course. There are of course some things that I just have to accept from you which I wish not change. It's not something that is pleasant, yet I can't change, but I'm okay with that. Isn't that something that people should acknowledge in relationship? You date a person that you feel you can fit in the most(in a way that you feel more happier than sadder if you were to date that person). Of course that one person is not perfect to begin with, no matter who you date, there's always problem in there(mostly are minor problems). And if you notice, we actually adapt those problems. I can give you example, your hate of hearing chewing sound. I personally do not find that a heavy problem for me. But sometimes you went to extreme for that, like when i was chewing my bar when we skyped, you told me you are going to mute your skype. I find it disrespectful for anyone to mute me, because..... why not just off? Don't bother skyping me, but ofcourse I couldn't do that. I have to adapt to that problem of yours and chew with mouth closed. I'm pretty sure that you won't be able to change that, because it is more a like your nature, and I can't do anything about it except to just accept it and change myself. I have problems that I can't change and you just have to adapt. For example is my acceptance to your change. I don't mind you do new stuff, just don't do something that won't benefit you and...... doesn't suit you. I personally find cyber Cafe like a gambling place, go there waste money. I know you hate casinos. I actually was invited to gamble here, but I know you hate it, so I didn't go for it. I feel that it's wrong to do something you don't like me doing.
I honestly do not have strong mental here so.... please... for me... please don't do weird stuff until we get together again k? I know it's 4 years.... but please... do your best so I won't have my mental deteriorate even more....Love you.
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