11th March 2016

Entery 11th March 2016.

Its been awhile since i update my blog. The last time could have been many months ago. Or could it be a few days ago. Who cares?

Being alone may have been what i have to go through eversince i set foot here in the US. All i can tell is that, i always have bad luck in making and having friends here. I tried to blend in, but it doesn't seem to work properly here. I wonder where i went wrong. I applied in for International Assistant, with reasons of being alone here and they reject me with bullsgit saying 'thank you of applying.... we appreciate.....' Fuck your gentelness people. We do not appricate when we got rejected, don't say that you are happy to meet us, and other bullshits you all says. Other want to have opportunities you all said? Dont fucking bullshit me, i need this to make friends fools. Your college is really is a fucked up place to make friends you know that? Luckly i wasn't as unstable as before, i might do something i might regret definitely if this happened during my unstable time. In this college, i only have one friend... i guess i can say... had in few more weeks... she is the nicest person i have here in the college, i find her the best out of all in friend making. She even agrees on this college being not friendly and bad at judgements in many different ways. She smiles all the time whenever i talk to her, which is makes me confrotable most of the time. But guess what, she's leaving soon. Wont see her for awhile, might be even a long time... or will never be. Fate holds our friendship, i'll just let that go, let the wind blow us without direction, will we oneday meet again? We never know. But i thanked het for being such a nice person with me, i really wished i could know her even more and be even closer as friends. I guess all in all, nothing can be done much with little time.

Im mostly alone here. People always asked me,' you have your girlfriend'. I have. I still have. But she isn't reliable sometimes. When i want to chat her, usually she's busy with her work.... as well sometimes with playing games with her friends... I usually send out signs that i really need her when she's not busy doing her work or rather busy playing games with her friends when i'm really lonely. I could say most of the time she doesnt get my message at all. I do sometime feel ma girl prefers being with her friends that being with me. I know that aint true. But im overly sensitive you know when im all lonely. Still though, if she needs me when im not busy doing school work, i'll get on to her. Name it, games, sports, music and all other things i can do, i'll always prioritize ma girl over them. I dont know how she thinks but, ofcourse what just happened i do predict that she doesn't know when i really need her. What happened was that she was busy playing games with her friends when i texted her, she kindda read my message and went offline, i hate the word, but it can mean she ignored. When i told her that she went offline, she just send me a kiss emoji,thats all, and i honetly feel that doesn't make any fucking sense. So i had to tell her an embedded message if she does notice that i really miss her and needa talk to her, apparently she doesnt get it and said sorry that she is busy playing games. I just raged of ma chat and said imma sleep. Ofcouse thats a bullshit i told her, what im doing now o the prove that i aint sleeping. Im getting all fed up with these problems. If im all lonely, i couldnt imagine her at all, which means my connection to her is damaged. And when i really need her, which is just right few minustes ago, i actually want to fix the damages i feel. I thought i told her hat already, and i thought she's smart to know these, man, i many need to rethink twice.

You know what dawg? Fuck this shit. I might as well be 100% independent and need no contact any shit to make my shit feel better. Im out.