As a creative species that dominated the whole world, I, a human, would always chase to understand myself better. Who am I? How did I get to be who I am today? How are these little things called experiences made me who I am? How do I fit into this world? Getting to know myself is one thing, but to maintain my love with Joan is way more important.
In search of ways to understand myself, the world and to have a better way in a relationship, I always refer to myself as a third person. How would this half idiot would fit in his life better? Just like GTA, how can I make this character to obtain a sports car and a dope home?
I can't do this by myself. I need to have someone to discuss these problems that I've observed throughout my entire life. I want to find the answer to all of these behavioral pattern without the help of books by expert. Though it doesn't do me a purpose, I felt like it was an instinctual thing to do. I want to find these patterns. Are these patterns in the life that I've been observing an instinctual thing that is in most of young males because of evolutionary reasons?
For that, I need a support from Joan.
However, the more I seek these patterns, the more I felt that Joan is less... I really can't express that word. Though, I had a slight feeling that she starts to see my ideas as nothing but a fabrication that I randomly make. The only prove I've got is that, the more I discuss this with her, the more I felt that I'm being treated as a kid who talks garbage and thinks that kid knows everything. Why? She gets colder towards me, I really felt that she treating me more like my mom. My mom would never believe what I would say. The more complex the conversation go, the more she would think I talk non-sense; therefore, see me as an utter idiot who is like nothing but a child. Ever watch the cartoon Family Guy? Yep, I felt like I'm the Stewie, trying to say something right to my mom and Joan (who are Louis), but all I get was "you are so cute."
As a matter of fact, I found the missing word that I couldn't think of just a few moments ago. Joan did not grow "less," but more like being constant. All I did, was finding her weaknesses in taking care of this idiot boy of hers. Just a year ago, I thought things were well between us, like we went through the whole year without seeing each other because we solved every problem we encountered. But apparently, not many were solved, but it was rather me, who never complained about her mistakes.
All I though was the perfect relationship, was actually a hidden unpleasant aria.
